Friday, May 25, 2012

“You need to demand a level of respect from people. If you don't receive that respect, you fucking walk away”

These words came out of my mouth yesterday when I was standing in my kitchen yesterday. They weren’t directed at anyone, they just came out. I do my best thinking with my mouth open and I think that some of the stuff that spews out can be pretty good.

Respect was the theme for the day, and I repeated this line to at least 3 other people and each of them noted that they were in a position when they felt they were not getting the respect they are due. So let’s discuss respect today.

Respect is described as:  “esteem for or a sense of the worth or excellence of a person, a personal quality or ability, or something considered as a manifestation of a personal quality or ability

Broken down the key phrase is "Esteem for or a sense of the Worth or Excellence of a Person.

Broken down to its root it is “A sense of the worth of a person.”

Respect ultimately is a social attribute that is granted to a person by others. It is a value granted to an individual by another based on their culture and things the members of that culture hold in esteem.
Therefor a culture that holds education in high esteem will grant greater respect for an educated doctor then a fast food clerk without a high school diploma.

We as a culture (western culture) as a basis of our beliefs hold each individual to be worth of a measure of respect based on them simply being a human being.

Our social mores instruct us not to disrespect others, and this manifests in courtesy which is based on behavior mores.
For an example, playing music loud enough in public to disrupt others is rude, rudeness shows disrespect.

A CH (Complete Human) shows courtesy and respect to others, by doing so we recognize the worth of the other person. And the outward manifestation (social courtesy) is a sign that we are acknowledging to others that we recognize their personal worth.

Now we broke down the definition lets discuss the respect goes wrong. ****
In the majority of situations all persons are accorded a simple measure of respect. If you are currently NOT in this position read the first line above and get yourself someplace else NOW then go back to reading this.

I want to talk about the next level of respect that goes above simple courtesy. The respect you earn. Earned respect is the respect you receive for your actions not just your being.

The aforementioned doctor has earned respect because of the time and effort she has made to earn her degree, she is also accorded a measure based on the perceived intelligence one must have to become a doctor, (Perceived mind you, I’ve met some complete morons with PHD’s). This respect is based on the person’s accomplishments. Here in the west we do not grant much respect for a person’s family, respect in the western world has traditionally been earned, it is another topic of discussion to go into “Royal Families”.

But the Doctor can also be a philanderer, or a liar, or embezzle funds. These actions reduce the respect they earn. And some sins are so great that any other respects due can be washed away.

It used to be that the value of a man was partly measured in his behavior. The Mechanic who worked hard, was a true artist in his craft, a good family member could be looked on well in his community, while the greedy banker could be a man of scorn.

But now we focus on the Appearance, not on the action. And the first appearance we look at is perceived wealth. Look up something called a $30,000 millionaire. These were people who were buying the appearance of wealth all while living in squalor. They drove a BMW or Mercedes while wearing an Armani suit with a Rolex watch and lived in a cramped 3 bedroom with other roommates.

These individuals are attempting to earn respect by displaying the outward material appearance of success.

It is because people no longer respect others for their actions that this paradigm has been allowed to take hold.

The social markers of respect worth accomplishments are now readily available to all. Wealth used to be earned, the Rockefeller was a man who created his empire, the Carnegie was a true “Self-Made Man” Today any trust fund baby can match an Entrepreneurs material possessions with a charge card.

I think at the point this started happening is when the respect model started breaking down. Cities became to being, neighbors became strangers and we were force to look at display **** to make our assessments of people. And an entire generation (more!) was indoctrinated to accept the appearance instead of learning the person.

So back to you and your lack of respect.

The people around you do not respect you because you do not meet their learned qualifications to earn that respect.

You dress poorly, you are out of shape, you speak of silly things, you behave like a juvenile. You do not reflect the current model of a person worthy of greater respect.

This then leads us to understand that respect is a two-way street.
One you must act in a way worthy of that respect and, two you must surround yourself with people who respect your actions.

If you are a hard worker you need to place yourself in an environment that rewards hard work. If you want people to respect you for your morality you need to surround yourself with people who also respect moral behavior.
The boys club that goes out every weekend to play the great cocksmen will not respect the man who stays celibate or true to his wife or girlfriend. Do not surround yourself with these people.

A group that goes out drinking to get shitfaced will look down on the lightweight or the teetotaler.

If you are in a workplace that only rewards the high performer with no regard to the ethics or morals the person uses to achieve those numbers then you are not in an environment that is right for you. Get out.

Or of course you can simply change Your Values, and adapt to your surroundings and be no better than them. A CH does not do this however. 

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